I just noticed that it's been over a month since I've posted. I was in the middle of a post about 2 weeks ago, but I guess I forgot to save it. Forgot what I wrote in that post, too. Oh, well.
Things have been so crazy lately. Work has been kind of nuts and I'm starting to ramp up my workouts to lose the last 30 or so pounds. Started doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu which I've been super excited about for the past month. It's definitely a lot better to do it on a mat, rather than on a lawn or in the park. Looking back, we were incredibly dumb for not doing it in a controlled environment. Thank God I joined this gym. One of the few things I look forward to every week.
Things around the house have been crazy too. Uncle Anh had a stroke the other week that totally took everyone by surprise. It really did something to him; he's having trouble with his coordination and a lot of his memory. Some days he'll remember things and some days he won't. He still can't really walk and still can't go to the bathroom by himself. The part about his memory is what hurts me the most. He pretty much raised me when I was a kid since my dad was working all the time. All those times he took me out to ball games or the movies -- I wonder if he still remembers them. It was always assumed that he knew my grandpa (his father) had passed away in November. I remember hearing that he knew. But the other day, he asked my aunt how come my grandpa hadn't come to visit him. She didn't say anything, but I couldn't imagine being there when he asked that. Hearing that really broke my heart. I really hope he gets better soon, but I know it's going to take time. It just sucks because it's so soon after my grandpa passed. Seeing him in the hospital, even hearing the way he talks, reminds me of my grandpa.
But I know things will get better. You really just have to ride it out. Everything takes time. Just gotta be patient. If jiu jitsu has taught me anything, it's that even though things are looking bad -- you're getting mounted, you're in a bad position, whatever -- there's always a way out.
Been a long time
Happy 4 Year anniversary
I know a blog post isn't really the most romantic thing in the world, but I wanted to take some time to say Happy Anniversary to my girlfriend, Christine. Even though it doesn't feel like it's been that long, it's been an amazing 4 years. It seems so long ago when we used to have our weekly video game night (it used to be Thursdays..hehe) and worrying if we were going to be accepted by each other's families.
The picture above and to the left was taken sometime within the first month of us being together in 2005. The picture above and to the right is one of our more recent photos from Valentine's Day 2009. As you can see, we've both changed over the past 4 years; not just physically, but emotionally, as well. Having Christine in my life for the past 4 years has brought such a change in me. I've learned to be more selfless, more responsible, and more mature. I can honestly say that if it wasn't for her, I'd probably still be in school. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have worked so hard to graduate, get an internship, and join the workforce. To put it simply, without her, I wouldn't have cared about myself; I'd probably still be at school, working at Gap with no goals. She made me better.
The reason that I love her is because she makes me feel like I can do anything. And I would do anything for her. Even if my job sucks or money gets really tight, I'll grind it out to make her happy. Because she's worth it to me. But most of all, she loves me for being me. And I know she does because she loved me when I was fat (I'm still a little chubby, but that's besides the point).
We've been through so many ups and downs in the past 4 years, celebrating accomplishments and getting by through rough times. But it's all been worth it. And so, I leave you with some words from Musiq Soulchild:
I'll still want you if you gain a little weight, yeah
the way i feel for you will always be the same
Just as long as your love dont change
Happy 4 Year Anniversary, Christine. I love you.
Letting it all out
My life in the past few weeks has been extremely crazy. Between work, working out, and Christine, I haven't had time to really stop and relax. The other night, I fell asleep as soon as I put my head on my pillow, which has never happened to me before. It's nice; dreaming of getting away, taking indefinite vacations with Christine and just not having to worry about anything. Unfortunately, I really don't get enough sleep.
For the longest time, I've kind of been in denial about how bad the economy is. I always thought that if I didn't hear it, it'd fix itself and go away. But lately, I've been feeling the effects, not so much with my bank account or whatever, but just the constant need to have to save. My parents' jobs are in jeopardy again; nothing new. It seems like we go through this cycle every few years. The difference this time is that I'm actually making some money so I have to support the family in case something ever does happen.
I feel like I need an escape. Somewhere I can just go when I don't wanna deal with all this shit anymore. I need an outlet for all these feelings. Granted, the gym helps with stress a little, but doing the same workouts every other day is so monotonous. I checked out a BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) gym out with Vince the other night and wanted to join so bad. But I know that I can't because I have all these responsibilities at home and to have to save for the future. Some people might ask why I would even want to join a BJJ gym. It's just something I've always been interested in as a sport. Other people like football, baseball, basketball; I like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It's just kinda depressing to know that because of everything I have going on, I can't really do what I want. I don't feel free.
I feel like I'm gonna explode. Like I have all this inside of me that I just need to let go. Because doing the same thing every single day, every single week is getting to me and the more I take the time to realize what's going on around me, I realize that I'm really...
...not happy.
Single of the week - 2/15/09
Looks like I skipped a week, but this week's selection is an oldie, but a goodie.
You Are My Lady - Freddie Jackson
My Weight Loss progress so far
It's been many many weeks since I've started my diet and, as you can see, I'm losing a good amount of weight. There are a few quibbles in there, times where I haven't lost so much or times where I've actually gained, but, for the most part, I'm losing.
It's been increasingly difficult over the last 5 or so months to really change my old habits and try to be healthier. I'm used to it now since I've been doing it for awhile, but trust me, it was rough in the beginning. Being on this diet has taught me to live cleaner; no more junk food, fast food, no more drinking (well, maybe a light beer every now and then). It's been a positive experience, but it's not without it's hardships. There are days where I just REALLY hate going to the gym. If it were up to me, I'd give myself multiple days off, but having to record my weight every week keeps me self-conscious and, thus, forces me to go workout.
But once I'm there, it's pretty easy to stay motivated. I just think about why I'm doing this: my health. Both sides of my family don't have great track records when it comes to medical history; high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Being overweight makes me more of a risk for these diseases.
I had never really thought about how big I actually was before I started. I try not to pay attention to my BMI because I hear it's not an accurate depiction of someone's fitness and health profile, but my BMI when I started was 40. That's high. I've managed to work my way down to around a 31 or 32. Still considered "obese" by the BMI, though I don't feel like I am. I feel better than ever, yet the BMI says my "healthy weight is 177. If that's true, I got a long way to go. All I know is, I'm just going to keep going until my body tells me it's had enough and is comfortable with where it's at, which I'm hoping is around the 190-200 range. We shall see, though. I'll continue to keep everyone updated.
Before & After:
