Letting it all out

My life in the past few weeks has been extremely crazy. Between work, working out, and Christine, I haven't had time to really stop and relax. The other night, I fell asleep as soon as I put my head on my pillow, which has never happened to me before. It's nice; dreaming of getting away, taking indefinite vacations with Christine and just not having to worry about anything. Unfortunately, I really don't get enough sleep.

For the longest time, I've kind of been in denial about how bad the economy is. I always thought that if I didn't hear it, it'd fix itself and go away. But lately, I've been feeling the effects, not so much with my bank account or whatever, but just the constant need to have to save. My parents' jobs are in jeopardy again; nothing new. It seems like we go through this cycle every few years. The difference this time is that I'm actually making some money so I have to support the family in case something ever does happen.

I feel like I need an escape. Somewhere I can just go when I don't wanna deal with all this shit anymore. I need an outlet for all these feelings. Granted, the gym helps with stress a little, but doing the same workouts every other day is so monotonous. I checked out a BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) gym out with Vince the other night and wanted to join so bad. But I know that I can't because I have all these responsibilities at home and to have to save for the future. Some people might ask why I would even want to join a BJJ gym. It's just something I've always been interested in as a sport. Other people like football, baseball, basketball; I like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It's just kinda depressing to know that because of everything I have going on, I can't really do what I want. I don't feel free.

I feel like I'm gonna explode. Like I have all this inside of me that I just need to let go. Because doing the same thing every single day, every single week is getting to me and the more I take the time to realize what's going on around me, I realize that I'm really...


...not happy.